My Mother

My Mother passed away 13 days ago. I have been living with her for the past 10 months. She sat in her chair directly to my right. It's empty now. I went back to Tennessee for a month in October to see my family, and she called me and said she missed seeing me sit at my computer every night. In fact, she said she kept imagining that I was still there and spoke about how she missed me. Now, I imagine her still sitting there in her chair, and I miss her.
I have been very lost since she passed. She was a beautiful woman,...I didn't appreciate her enough when she was right here in the room with me. I didn't thank her enough for all that she did for me. I didn't love her enough for being such a wonderful Mother. I took her for granted. I'm so sad about that now. I wish she was here so I could tell her how much I loved her, how much she helped me, how much I appreciated all of her love and encouragement. But her chair is empty. And she's gone.
Regret is horrible.

Coming Home

Coming home to Michigan was the best thing I ever could have done at this point in time.
It has been so good to reconnect with my Mother. I moved away from here 35 yrs. ago.
Mid life hits all of us differently. It hit me hard.
But Family always brings you back to your roots. You remember where you started....you can get your head on straight again.
I'm so glad that I had the courage to come away and get a clear perspective again.
I think it might have saved both my life, and my marriage.

Thank God.

This is a picture of two of the most important women in my life. My Aunt Sal, and my second cousin Sis. (Elizabeth, or Liz, but to me...Sis) I remember this day. Sis was in town, and Aunt Sal was so glad to see her. I loved hanging out with the two of them. They enjoyed each others company like best friends. It was so fun to watch them talk and interact with each other....Actually, they were more like close sisters that never had to live with each other for long, or get on each other's nerves. :o) I brought my Pentax MX out on the porch and hung out for a while.

Both of these lovely ladies passed on at the same time..., almost, and I miss them both. Aunt Sal was an Artist, and she understood me in ways other people have never understood me. She was such an Anchor and an encouragement to me. She always praised me and lifted me up. She always saw the good and the best in me....the potential, and pushed me on. WE became very, very good friends.
Aunt Sal used to call me to talk once in a while when I was in Nashville and she was in Saginaw, and she always mentioned Sis. She loved her sooooo much.
If we can connect with good family, we are blessed. Family is special.
Aunt Sal and Sis were cousins....Kin. Look at the love. They were both so special to me. I miss them.

Angels and Realizations

This is a picture of an Angel that crossed my life named Bonnie. I found her on a curb at the end of my street in a gas station parking lot. It was a very, very hot afternoon, nearly 100 degrees if I remember correctly. When I got out of my car to go into the store, she said hello to me, and I returned the kindness.
When I came out of the store, I noticed how hot and tired she looked, so I asked her if she was having a nice day and asked her what she was doing in the parking lot, on the curb. It was clear that she didn't have a vehicle, there was none in sight.
She said she was just sitting there enjoying the day. I told her it was pretty hot to be sitting there, and asked if she had some place to go to cool off. She started telling me a story about how her mother lived in Florida, but they were bringing her up to St. Thomas Hospital for heart surgery in a few days, and she was waiting. I asked her where she lived, and she told me "The third bush on the right". She was homeless. She came from Florida herself, to wait for her mother. She wasn't allowed to have anything to do with her Mother back at home. She had many sad stories.
I asked her if she would like to come home with me and get a warm meal and a nice cold shower. She said that she had been praying all day for an angel, and she was sure I was an answer to her prayer. Before she left the store though, she went in and bought two 24 oz. beers, and she offered to buy me one as well, but I said "no thanks". (she had been cleaning windows all day, and had money.)
We went home, she drank her beers pretty fast, and showered. She said she couldn't eat any food. She had forced something down earlier that day, and she gets sick when she eats food because she's an alcoholic. She was a very sad person, with very sad stories, but I blessed her day. She loved me.

This woman was an angel to me. She was the biggest blessing! I won't tell you about the personal ways that she touched me, because they are personal. But I will tell you that we find blessings in the most unexpected places. And sometimes we don't find blessings and answers in the places we have found them before, or expect to find them. It's so important to live daily.

One thing I will say for sure, it's in the giving of ourselves that we find blessing.
When we give, we receive...but the giving is the bigger blessing.
....and when you have needs, try to find one tiny thing that you can give of yourself. Give it with all of your heart, even if it seems like something so small it is almost worthless....because you have nothing else. And you will be blessed. A smile, when you don't feel like smiling, a dime to someone in need, when you wish you had $100 to give, a phone call when you don't have gas for a visit, a kind word when you know someone is down, an "I love you" when you know someone is feeling down or even worthless. A letter, a hug, a smile, a phone call, a flower, a text, a shower and a warm meal.

My Bonnie Angel and I prayed together before she left that day. I prayed for her, and she prayed for me. I offered her a bed to lay her head on. She went on her way, and I never saw her again. I met her a while back.
I am thinking about Bonnie tonight.